In yoga, the idea is to tune into your body and become aware of where your edge is right now. Your edge is the place where you can feel that you’re opening up and becoming more flexible, but not where you’ve gone so far that you’re pushing into pain. Even if you’ve been practicing 65 years, in every position you can always find your edge. Your edge won’t be the same as it was yesterday, it won’t be the same tomorrow, and it’s not the same as that of the person next to you.
Once you’ve found your edge, you breathe into it. As you continue to breathe into and relax that area, you begin to open up from the inside.
To expand in your relationships, as in yoga, learn to play where your edge is right now. Trying to improve our relationships by approaching them from the outside involves compromise, negotiation, and even battles of will. By approaching them from the inside, we can stretch them slowly, expand them from the inside out.
The essence of transformation in yoga is the internal process through which the external is stretched and sculpted. So is the essence of transformation in relationship.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Does that “Connected Feeling” Always Fade with Time?
Cherie asks, “Why does it never last, that happy bond?” Many people say that the details of daily life get in the way. But we don’t think it’s “life” that gets between us and the experience of connecting on soul-deep level. “Life” was there when you met, after all! And when you were first dating and realizing that this is something special, you probably imagined that you could feel just as connected even while pursuing other things together—careers, a home, a family.
So if it’s not the details of daily life that begin to cloud the experience . . . what is it?
We believe it’s just two things: expectation and resentment. And the answer is even simpler than that, because these aren’t really two things, but just different manifestations of one thing: a thought that something should be different than it is. An expectation stems from a thought that there’s something someone else should do (or should not do). A resentment stems from a thought that there’s something someone else should have done (or should not have done).
The feeling of being connected does not have to fade with time. In fact, once we learn how to keep our relationship space free of expectations and resentments, we will discover that our experience of feeling connected actually grows stronger with time.
So if it’s not the details of daily life that begin to cloud the experience . . . what is it?
We believe it’s just two things: expectation and resentment. And the answer is even simpler than that, because these aren’t really two things, but just different manifestations of one thing: a thought that something should be different than it is. An expectation stems from a thought that there’s something someone else should do (or should not do). A resentment stems from a thought that there’s something someone else should have done (or should not have done).
The feeling of being connected does not have to fade with time. In fact, once we learn how to keep our relationship space free of expectations and resentments, we will discover that our experience of feeling connected actually grows stronger with time.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Opening to the Soulmate Experience
If you’ve read our previous posts, you’ve probably gathered that we believe the soulmate experience is available to everyone—and that we aren’t limited to experiencing it with just one other (nearly-impossible-to-find!) person on the planet.
Think back to the times you’ve felt like you were connecting with someone on a deeper level—with your lovers, your friends, your children, or even your parents. You may have even experienced it with a stranger—when you caught each other’s gaze and had a strong sense of connection. Try to call up and re-experience the feeling you had at those times.
To bring more of the soul-connection quality into your life, focus on becoming more aware of when you’re feeling this way. When you’re engaged with other people, tune into this feeling—to whatever extent you can sense it. It can be especially easy to access when you’re looking into another person’s eyes with a state of openness and nonjudgement. It’s especially enlightening to try this with total strangers and feel how true the proverb “the eyes are the windows to the soul” actually is.
Imagine what your life would be like if you could experience this quality of connection, to some degree, with almost everyone you meet.
Think back to the times you’ve felt like you were connecting with someone on a deeper level—with your lovers, your friends, your children, or even your parents. You may have even experienced it with a stranger—when you caught each other’s gaze and had a strong sense of connection. Try to call up and re-experience the feeling you had at those times.
To bring more of the soul-connection quality into your life, focus on becoming more aware of when you’re feeling this way. When you’re engaged with other people, tune into this feeling—to whatever extent you can sense it. It can be especially easy to access when you’re looking into another person’s eyes with a state of openness and nonjudgement. It’s especially enlightening to try this with total strangers and feel how true the proverb “the eyes are the windows to the soul” actually is.
Imagine what your life would be like if you could experience this quality of connection, to some degree, with almost everyone you meet.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
How Can You Tell If Someone Is a Soulmate?
Stella asks, “How can you tell if someone is a soulmate?” What’s wonderful about this question is that it’s infinitely more expansive than, “How can I tell if someone is MY soulmate?” It opens the door for so many possibilities. By searching for “a” soulmate rather than “your” (one and only) soulmate, finding what you desire becomes a much more likely proposition!
What Stella is really asking is, “How can you tell if someone has soulmate potential?” To answer that, let’s take a look at the soulmate experience.
Soulmates come together to explore, appreciate, and grow from every experience that shows up. They use everything as a vehicle for self-discovery and for enhancing their connection. Soulmates hold an intention to keep the magic in their relationship alive and do their best to encourage their relationship to flourish.
So, someone who has soulmate potential is someone who desires a deeply connected experience with another human being. Even more importantly, it’s someone who is committed to doing whatever it takes to truly open themselves up to the soulmate experience—which means having the willingness to see themselves clearly and to share themselves fully.
You can tell someone is a soulmate when you recognize these qualities in them. And if you have these qualities yourself, the soulmate experience becomes available to you.
What Stella is really asking is, “How can you tell if someone has soulmate potential?” To answer that, let’s take a look at the soulmate experience.
Soulmates come together to explore, appreciate, and grow from every experience that shows up. They use everything as a vehicle for self-discovery and for enhancing their connection. Soulmates hold an intention to keep the magic in their relationship alive and do their best to encourage their relationship to flourish.
So, someone who has soulmate potential is someone who desires a deeply connected experience with another human being. Even more importantly, it’s someone who is committed to doing whatever it takes to truly open themselves up to the soulmate experience—which means having the willingness to see themselves clearly and to share themselves fully.
You can tell someone is a soulmate when you recognize these qualities in them. And if you have these qualities yourself, the soulmate experience becomes available to you.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
What Does It Mean to “Be the One”?
Simply put, being the one is an approach to life and to relationships.
First, being the one is turning to yourself first so that you aren’t looking for someone to “complete” you, but to enhance you. It’s being consciously engaged in the process of living. It’s being activity involved in your own self-development: being ever more self-aware, self-expansive, and self-exploratory. It’s approaching other people and the world with receptivity.
Being the one is a willingness to be vulnerable, to share yourself, and to connect with others on intimate levels. Being the one is turning a tendency to say no into a tendency to say yes. It’s having a knack for seeing a higher possibility in every situation and knowing how to turn anything that happens into a vehicle for growth and self-discovery.
Being the one doesn’t mean you need to have super-high self-esteem, have resolved all of your issues, or be the perfect mate. Being the one is a process.
The soulmate experience is available to everyone. The more you cultivate the attitudes of a soulmate—the more you are the one—the more of that experience you will invite into your life. More than that: you’ll be able to recognize the potential for having highly connected soulmate-type experiences in others.
Move yourself to a higher level of consciousness, and that’s what you’ll attract.
First, being the one is turning to yourself first so that you aren’t looking for someone to “complete” you, but to enhance you. It’s being consciously engaged in the process of living. It’s being activity involved in your own self-development: being ever more self-aware, self-expansive, and self-exploratory. It’s approaching other people and the world with receptivity.
Being the one is a willingness to be vulnerable, to share yourself, and to connect with others on intimate levels. Being the one is turning a tendency to say no into a tendency to say yes. It’s having a knack for seeing a higher possibility in every situation and knowing how to turn anything that happens into a vehicle for growth and self-discovery.
Being the one doesn’t mean you need to have super-high self-esteem, have resolved all of your issues, or be the perfect mate. Being the one is a process.
The soulmate experience is available to everyone. The more you cultivate the attitudes of a soulmate—the more you are the one—the more of that experience you will invite into your life. More than that: you’ll be able to recognize the potential for having highly connected soulmate-type experiences in others.
Move yourself to a higher level of consciousness, and that’s what you’ll attract.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Cultivating the Soulmate Experience
Millions of people are scouring dating and social-networking sites with the hopes of meeting their true love: the one person on the planet with whom they will feel profoundly connected and completely fulfilled. They are, to put it simply, looking for The One.
Though many of us will likely feel this level of connection most deeply with one person—or perhaps, over our lifetimes, two or three—we all have the capacity to feel it to some degree with everyone in our lives. You’ve likely felt a soul connection to varying degrees with many people—such as your parents, your children, your close friends, or your lovers. You may have even experienced it with people you’ve just met—a profound sense that you were meant to know each other or are somehow connected on a deeper level.
If you’re looking for the relationship of a lifetime, intentionally cultivating the attitudes of a soulmate is the best way to invite the soulmate experience into your life. More than that: when you are being The One, rather than trying to find The One, you’ll naturally begin to recognize the soulmate potential in others.
When the soulmate potential emanates from you—all you have to do is turn around.
Though many of us will likely feel this level of connection most deeply with one person—or perhaps, over our lifetimes, two or three—we all have the capacity to feel it to some degree with everyone in our lives. You’ve likely felt a soul connection to varying degrees with many people—such as your parents, your children, your close friends, or your lovers. You may have even experienced it with people you’ve just met—a profound sense that you were meant to know each other or are somehow connected on a deeper level.
If you’re looking for the relationship of a lifetime, intentionally cultivating the attitudes of a soulmate is the best way to invite the soulmate experience into your life. More than that: when you are being The One, rather than trying to find The One, you’ll naturally begin to recognize the soulmate potential in others.
When the soulmate potential emanates from you—all you have to do is turn around.
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